So, following on from my post about Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share with you an article I wrote concerning the imploding craze of #Relationshipgoals. Dun. Dun. DUN. This particular fad really gets under my skin, as it might do yours.
The following is longer and way more personal version of the article I wrote, drawing my own experiences and thoughts that have trailed through my mind. As well as letting you guys know about how destructive this ideal can be in the real world, I guess I try to advise you to look for happiness, not through our screens but right in front you. It can be unexpected, and sometimes- absolutely perfect in its own way.
So, bitches... Let the bitching begin...
With the ever-increasing surge of social media, and the
overwhelming influence of the internet consuming the everyday lives of the
modern adolescent, a phrase that has become all too popular amongst the
rose-tinted and blissfully naïve minds of young romantics, or fantasists, some
might say, has been the overly used thread of #relationshipgoals. A trend and
topic that has inserted itself into our vast social domain, becoming a fad
amongst the teenage population.
This trend allows those who dream of being loved to expect certain aspects of relationships by the one they adore. There is an
overload of photos on our choice photo-sharing app, Instagram, depicting
teenage and young adult couples engaging in acts of playful affection, with
their surroundings almost as beautiful as the photo's intended main focus.
Also, young males in their late teens to twenties, showing off their partners
to their audience; dripping in expensive couture and overly ostentatious bling,
us mere mortals can only dream of owning. Now, whilst these various displays of
affection can be described as sickly boastful, by showing off the
"simple" pleasures of intimacy, and lifestyles only a fraction of the
globe enjoy, you always manage to catch a glimpse of that caption- #relationshipgoals.
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| @jayalvarrez "Steady diet ocean stlye @alexisreneg" |
It's almost as if we, as a generation, have become obsessed
with finding happiness and love, through the displays of affection of complete
strangers. One then allows themselves to model what they consider to be the
"ideal" or "pinnacle" of a relationship, to be based on the acts
and behaviour of another. This can be seen by the exotic travels to various
wonders of the world, the excessive demonstrations of wealth with lavish gifts, and experiences some of us may never be able to one day
experience for ourselves. These vain and materialistic ideals which the next
generation have immersed themselves in, can be fractious and poisonous to
them when seeking the intimacy and affection from a partner.
These "goals" imply a set of instructions and
guidelines for both boys and girls to follow in order to achieve this narcissistic perception of
"love" many so desperately crave. Quotes that claim girls should
be treated like princesses, put on a pedestal, and showered constantly with
gifts; mainly consisting of branded clothes or extortionately priced make-up.
That boys are these misunderstood beings that are besotted with their partner,
living with this re-occurring nightmare of self-deprecation, fuelling their need to
be constantly reassured from their other half that they are indeed loved.
These "goals" can manifest into frustrations and
discontent when another doesn't treat you the way you think you should,
or feel you deserve to be treated. Or that they don't share sympathy for your
moodiness, or looking after you when you're on your period. Girls, it's nothing
new, it happens to the rest of us, too.
When the behaviour of your partner doesn't match your expectations, you
feel let down and decide to look for love elsewhere, in the hope that you'll be
one step closer to achieving those "goals". If it is love the teenager
generation believe they are searching for.
We grew out of idolising fairy tales, happily ever-after's,
and finding Prince Charming as children, and now seem to be centring our focus
upon on a more "realistic" depiction of what love and relationships appear
to be. But is this rise of #relationshipgoals having the opposite effect on our
sponge-like minds? Being more detrimental that helpful in achieve happiness?
Or even making us resent what we are presented with in reality, and setting our sights
on the seemingly never-ending fruitfulness and wealth of those that engulf our
social media feed.
However, we have to be weary of the photos we like, or the
tweets we retweet, taking them with a pinch of salt one post at a time. Photos are only a snapshot
of someone's day. Do the photos many aspire to replicate really depict the
reality of one's relationship? What about the other 23 hours 59 minutes and 59
seconds of the day? Just because a mere fraction of someone's relationship is
publicised, it does not mean that it's an accurate account of the feelings that lie behind it. It merely captures the optimistic, note-worthy parts of the
relationship, reinforcing the idea to their followers that that they are the perfect pair.
We have to ask ourselves whether the admiration for such
displays of affection and adoration; with the nauseatingly, over-flattering
declarations of one's love for another, or the three dozen red roses or
the six foot teddy bear, or the grossly romantic trips to Pairs to celebrate an
occasion, really constitute what it means to be in a relationship? Other whether we crave
an actual relationship, or the materialistic attributes that seem to come
along with it? Is it really love and happiness the next generation are
searching for? Or is it our self-indulgent need to fill these materialist desires?
The self-reassurance that their partner worships the ground they walk upon,
inadvertently implying that there are some people on this earth that are above
human, exceed our expectations of human behaviour.
However, it is important to remember than we are human, we
all want things, and to feel what we have never felt. But we don't have to
aspire to others, and plague ourselves with the damning #relationshipgoals.
Are we really that un-satisfied with what's brought to us in the real world that we use the escape to social media to fuel our superficial and indulgent desires? Are we poisoning our minds with the thought that there is always someone better than ourselves, who can give us what we oh-so crave?
Every relationship is unique, and the fact that teenagers
believe they should behave in a certain way contradicts the idea that a
relationship something to cherish, becoming more about what the two people gain,
rather than about each other. Expectations of #relationshipgoals can be
shattered within an instant, with our emotions fuelling our passion, rather
than what we think we're going to expect.
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| @ellenjenne9 "Bristol's pretty... Some waterfall in the middle of nowhere with some idiot" |
A relationship becomes about the little
things, not the grand gestures, to prove affection. It's all their quirks and the tiny
details that no one else notices, which makes your relationship your own goal.
The conversations until unholy times of the morning, fuelled by the alcohol you
consumed only hours before. The effort you put in to
get to know each other. Even if that does mean staying up an extra hour to wish them
Happy New Year because you're in a different country, and an hour behind (whilst being heavily intoxicated at work. It's fine, no one noticed). The fact that his favourite
colours are orange and black. Or that she prefers drinking tea to coffee. Or
that he prefers numbers, whilst she prefers words. That you share each
other's secrets and anxieties, even at one 'o' clock in the morning after an exam
gone wrong. Or that he switches the song playing through your speakers whilst you create, what can only be described as a Smurf massacre, as you unskilfully re-dye that blue hair, and
it's always seems to be the same one. I've never heard that song the same way. Or when you bring back a small gift from a holiday,
just to show that you were thinking about them. Breaking the speed limit on
country lanes in a tiny go-cart of a car, listening to rock music. Enjoying the simple pleasures in life
between the two of you, no one else.
You become your own goals, your own adventure, your own
Romeo and Juliet (without the morbid ending), and the author of your own story.
#Relationshipgoals no longer matter, and shouldn't be the main influence for
finding the "perfect" relationship, and it's frightful to see that
the next generation seem to glorify the glamorous and finer things in life. We
should break this stereotype by realising that no two relationships are ever
gong to be explicitly the same. Don't worry about replicating the relationship
and lifestyle of complete strangers, because it does not guarantee finding
your own happiness. Embrace the unexpected love and opportunities that come your way,
because in the end, your own adventure is more important than any
#relationshipgoals will ever be.
So like I said in Part 1, write your own kick-ass love story. Don't listen to the do's and don'ts, just live! It's important to remember that we don't have to conform to any ideal, but to live in the moment we have been given.
“You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes,
or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.”- Oscar
Wilde
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